need to vent.

I can't do this anymore. I really fucking can't.
This moment in my life shall be known as rock bottom.
I really don't think it can get any worse, but it always manages too...
I have too much bad karma. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to bring this on.
My life is shit.
fucking shit.

Hello world.

sup kids? well, all five of you who still use this...

I miss the good days... where livejournal wasn't really that big...
I got asked today if I was on youtube.... and then about twitter, facebook, and myspace...
I don't even know what twitter is... I never check my myspace and I only go on facebook like... maybe 3 times a month... I don't even go on AIM anymore... half the reason is because I don't have internet (which drives calvin crazy) but even when I did have it, I never really went on..

the best part is: I don't care.

yes, the internet is my only form of contact for some of my friends, but I think it's better that my two best friends don't have working cell phones right now. One of them: lives with her mom and I get to call the house phone and ask to speak to her, or wait for her to call me, and the other lives two floors above me and I have a key to her place. I pretty much wake her up everyday to hang out. I love it. I love her.

in other news:
calvin moved in
bec moved out
I got a kitten
I'm not going back to fgcu!
I'm starting at heritage on the 27th for massage
my mom had knee surgery on wednesday
calvin turned 23 yesterday
I can't wait for andi's bday
I'm tired as shit
my kitten is actually calvin's bday present. he named her isabella.
she's cute as shit.
I only have 3 weeks till I go back to school.   x.x
life is ok.
I wish I could win the lottery.

other than that... not much going on... if you need me, text me. I don't really talk on the phone or facebook or any of the other bullshit websites (other than LJ)   so yeah... 4648241. peace.


I'm going crazy, but it's making me better, I think...

I applied for a new job on wednesday that I hope I get... I think I'll be really good at it!
I dropped five out of my eight classes today...

which means I get to sleep in now!!! yay!

I don't like college. I'm glad I'm barely going now.

but now I'm bored... I just want to get out.
  • Current Mood
    crazy crazy

(no subject)

I love sex and the city.
I love the way my arm and shoulders feel after a road trip.
I love getting the day started.
I love knowing that I went to the movies by myself.
I love pizza.
I love laying out in the middle of the floo next to becca trying to get internet.
I love my new apartment.
I love my mom.
I love you. all of you.
I love getting really high then listening to eric whitacre and radiohead.
I love playing fun old video games like dr.mario, spyro, and kingdom hearts.
I love flying down 75 belting out macy gray's "I Try" at the top of my lungs.
I love skittles.
I love my patio and all the laughs that have already occured there.
I love all the beautiful things I witness.

as much as I hate it, I love life right now. mainly the past two weeks.
they were beautiful.
and now, they come to a close to make way for a new year, a new semester, a new apartment, a new bestfriend/sister/wife/roommate, a new leaf. for everyone.
this feels like it's going to be a big year...

I'M MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I CAN'T WAITTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


but I really have nothing done.
and I don't feel like doing anything.
I wanna go to the movies.


I registered for my classes next semester.
I feel better at least knowing that I don't REALLY have to worry about that anymore, but I still have to meet with the CAPS career people so they can tell me what I should do...

oh well.

it's officially halloween  and I still need to do my theory hmwk and an outline of my essay, then it's off to bed. school, then trick-or-canning (getting cans instead of candy) with the SAHH, then I'm going to go to the civic center for the haunted house and the hay ride at night! I'm excited! send me a text for details or if you want to meet up with me there!

ok, that's it. have a safe halloween!

I think: I know:


-it might be time to move on.
-it's a lost cause now.
-we were perfect.
-... maybe you were right...
-you hate me.
-you should have let us talk about it.
-you should have returned the favor.
-I need a rebound...
-I'm lonely...
-I'm ready to talk.

-that I have an essay due in a few hours that I still haven't thought about.
-that I can't keep wishing forever.
-that if you don't love me, I want to try and still be your friend.
-that I still have friends, though they are few and far between.
-that it's ok to cry, over EVERYTHING.
-that I can still SMILE. and that's what's important.
-that I need to figure out this whole college thing soon.
-that my mom still loves me, even when she hates me.
-that I'll be ok.

shit cake, shit icing, shit candles melting hot shitty wax all over my life,
but I will keep my FAITH: in that things will get better, my HOPE: in everything, and my LOVE: for all those who love me.